A new year's resolution

It was with a start of recognition when I saw my friend's blog entry, written in sadness a few months back. A fellow teacher, she bemoan that all she has done for the past few years is really to work. Work, work, work, because everything has been so emotionally draining---and this is precisely why I wanted to fly free...I couldn't stop myself from obsessing about every logical fallacy my students wrote, I tried my best to help them think, but at such a high price. S. told me disgruntledly many years back she started out that way too, then realise mid-way that students don't really care as much as we do, and the toil that it would exact would be too high. Now, S is a great teacher--she taught me so much!---and by all standards, she is responsible, but I see that she is right...sometimes we have to spend more time for ourselves.

I became so tired, I barely had time for my family. I was so emotionally drained all the time, i felt vulnerable, I had to retreat back into my shell, into the quietness of my room and self. Meeting people, anyone, made me fear the dissipation of my tired and vulnerable work-exhausted self. Oh I wanted to hang out with my family and friends too, but i was just too tired and drained everyday--and i pushed that off. I thought my escape route lay in going off to study, but now, I guess, I have come to realise, it was that I had been too much of a perfectionist, because really, a little fuzzy thinking will not have killed my students. The price of ruthlessly eradicating every logical error, explaining at length in each of their essays has also meant a heavy price i paid. It's odd, but it took the strange and difficult problems of the past few months to realise that I am good at problem-solving---I made the difficult decision to move so many times---because I know what should be done and can muster up truckloads of willpower to do so---but I have neglected to even rest and play. It took being sick so often here that made me see that the price of trying to problem-solve efficiently, with lack of care for my tired self has been tremendously high.

I resolve to take work less seriously from now on. It sounds disgusting and horrible---I don't mean I'll swing to the extreme of not caring, but having these few weeks of time to think---enforced by my long bout of flu which has rendered me tired and too tired to quickly get my essays and assignments out of the way as I am too exhausted----has made me realise this isn't what I want. i don't want to be constantly achieving things---either marking obsessively as a teacher, or even doing a string of things.

It's true that at your deathbed you kind of think through what you want in life. I was and am ,by no means on my deathbed---good grief---but I have come to wish, I learnt to play harder. Oh I looked playful, I seemed to always be up to some mad joke, but I really played and enjoyed myself very little not just over the past few months but the past few years.

For me, then, it's to rework the balance...and for 2008, i hope to say I have achieved better balance, I have learnt to smell the flowers and relax more. 2007 has taught me much, that perhaps as I strived so hard at work and then to get into a different track, I have run my life on the basis of efficiency, and found that it doesn't matter that much to me, after all. I hope, trust and pray it isn't too late.

Christmas in London

It feels properly Christmasy. Everything has become so cold, and I'm listening to the Nine Lessons and Carols by the King's college, Cambridge (wry look... yes, i could have listened to it in person!) , all pretensions of trying to do my work having been vanquished.

There's a hum and buzz about the air, and everything has become deathly quiet, for everyone has either flown away, or gone home to spend the days with their family. Lights twinkling in the windows of every house I see, it's also not surprising how people find their loneliest time during Christmas in Euro-America, simply because it's such an event here.

As for me? I'm going to a friend's place, and on the road to recovery, am either going to somehow, despite the almost none-existent transport system, go to a service tomorrow or stay at home to do my papers or read the books I gleefully bought in preparation for slacking!

I love Christmas! Yes, I do wish I could have spent it with people I care for deeply, but I'm also feeling very lucky at the moment! My first freezing Christmas (notwithstanding writing papers!!!)

Merry Christmas to all!

And oh, if you are reading this blog,
merry Christmas to you all! thank you for all your good wishes and concern, forgive me for my mianess and not wanting to talk, just been overwhelmed but i will soon return!

The heroine that nearly was

And so I, the intrepid burglar-catcher, stopped two men in their tracks just as they were about to make off with my landlord's most precious things.

The police gave a fanfare, my landlord couldn't stop weeping as he thought of the potential loss of his precious fish, and all hailed miss P, the brave, the wonderful small person who dared...

Alas this never would be.

Hopping downstairs, I was taken aback to discover that the doorway to the apartment of my landlord (who is probably sunbathing in Thailand) wide open, and two men removing a fishtank. Both ignored me. I was hesitating, but decided to be kaypoh and asked, sorry, who ARE you? and it turned out, of course, that his partner was hidden behind the two men.

E. laughed and said, "Oh dear, then everything is taken away!" before his face crinkled into laughter.

Mine followed suit and I danced off, amused, that this seem so movie-like!

And here are some more pictures of stuff I whipped up for the past two days. You can tell I have been doing a lot of cooking of late, simply because a)i'm ill b)i don't like supermarket reheatable food all the time c)I HATE creamy stuff---which underlies much of British supermarket convenience food ranging from soups to rice stuff, which is all i can afford given my limited budget so cooking's cheaper e) I always have had pretensions towards cooking f) the old-made-in-singapore tv my landlord lent me died within a week and i hope he doesn't barf when he returns, i don't want to move again!--g) because I am slacking and I am sick to death of pretending to do my work. haha! I dont care if my deadlines are actually extended ones in view of teh fact I joined the course late, it's Christmas, I haven't enjoyed myself properly since I set foot on British soil, and i don't wish to moo madly from feeding on bad food. So THERE!

I miss my pretty, pretty Cambridge room

so finally, shots of my cambridge room. Well, forgive the mess, i remembered to take photos only the night before I was leaving and was packing madly---a friend reminded me to---and opps, looks guiltily at another friend, I forgot to take shots of the mad woman's room which i rented...

My Cambridge room had a lovely roof---i had sort of an attic ceiling, and i even had a blue settee! I had a small balcony too! But ah well, when a newly made Cambridge friend asked me to rethink when I wanted to leave and told me that I would have difficulties finding nice accommodation like this, I asked myself and honestly could not stay with a pretty room only.

But i miss my cambridge room and the porters and the househelp I made friends then but ah well, some things are not meant to be!

My room

This is the third room I have had so far in the UK---3 rooms, 1 for every month!---and here are some pictures. it is much tinier than the room I have had at Cambridge, as well as the room i had at the mad woman's house---both my previous two rooms had enough space for settes/sofas and enough room for at least 2-3 people with their own sleeping bags to crash over.

But what shall i say? I'm hoping NOT to move anymore as so far the facilities in this house work---everything works! and my housemates don't seem extraordinarily dirty!---they seem nice, not overly friendly but decent, and my landlord actually left me a Christmas card welcoming me into the house as he left for vacation just before I moved in.

that white thing you see peeking out of the corner near the foot of the bed is an extra duvet which I was mad enough to try and handwash...I'm not entirely convinced it's cleaner now!---er, let's just say I was being mad as usual, so once that is dry cleaned, it can be converted into a sort of mattress :)

who is a great cook? c'est moi, the one and only

Ahem, I cooked soup today WITHOUT a receipe. I'm pleased to say it wasn't too bad. Ok so it would have been more photogenic if i had taken photos of it pipping hot in its pot or my soup bowl, but as usual, I forgot to take photos until its a bit late. those three tupperwares are what i intend to store for three meals :) after I have satiated myself. Burp.


Let me give you the receipe (and my recommendations)

1. Take 2-3 oranges (you can use clementines or ordinary ones but clementines are usually sweet), 2 apples and 1 persimmon. Slice them into quarters (please peel the apples)

2. dump in mushrooms,spinach and tomatoes as well.

3. let it simmer in water (use your own judgement); maybe for at least 20-30 minutes?.

4. meanwhile, saute a large onion, a clove of garlic, sliced pieces of two chicken breasts for about 8-10 minutes or so.

Dump them all in the soup and let everything simmer some more. switch off when you have checked the flavour.

Ok some amendments. you are advised to remove the cut pieces of persimmon after the soup is completed. All of the above fruits add sweetness and some flavour to the soup---the chicken breast pieces don't help---but the dissolved apple and orange bits do. The persimmon just tastes weird after its flavour has gone into the soup. I tried eating a slice and choked. the rest of the fruit pieces, having melted, became gorgeous. Even the melted onions and so on were yummy.

Truth being told, the real story is, I have been down with flu and so was too "lembek" (weak in Malay) to walk out and buy bay leaves, rosemary, thyme and the usual herbs I fall back upon to make veggie soup, as I looked around my larder and realized I absolutely did not want to eat canned creamy soup (i HATE creamy soups!), or anything fried or oily. I even felt sick at the thought of eating bread.

So pouncing on my fruit stock---I had the foresight to buy lots of fruits and veggies and chicken breasts as i guessed I would be too ill to walk around very much the next few days---i decided to turn them into soup stock.

And oh, I cleaned up the kitchen, even cleaned up left over pots and the a dirty cooker left by my housemates.

So who says I'm a dirty girl? (with a meaningful toss at her mother!)

I need an exorcist

I have moved!:)

But my ex-landlord is giving me grief. As you all have pointed out, she sounds mad.

Well i conclude she IS mad. I didn't want to talk to her anymore as I suspected that she would have created a big drama at the handing over keys stage so this is what i did---which I won't advocate or would have done if I had a normal landlord, but as we established earlier, she is't so I dont' feel I did the wrong thing.

I took my stuff and left a note detailing that I had to be at my new place at 8 am---true, for the internet connection---and I have stripped the mattresses of the covers and placed them neatly for her to wash, have cleaned the areas----and that I was very tired and hoped not to come back for the handing over personally. If she had problems, she could contact me on.---I left her my uk hp no (prepaid, btw, so i can change the number if necessary...!). I left the keys in the room along with the note.

When I was in my ew place, I rang her up and left a voice message to say I have left, but have given her my contact number so she can contact me if necessary.

She rang me at 10 pm in high dungeon insisting that she had papers in the room and what had i done with them? (stole? burnt? ) then rounded off by saying she is going to complain to my university for being sneaky blah blah blah.

Hello, If i wanted to sneak off, I won't even have left my hp no for you to contact me, you crazy cow. I knew you would have some last minute nonsense that's why I DO NOT want to talk to you face to face anymore.

Ayway, I'm hopin she can be exocised out of my life and TONIGHT is the last i have heard of her. I am sick to death of her, and I wanna get my work out of the way so I can play and enjoy UK properly.

Crazy cow.

Counting down

I am moving in tomorrow to my new place. Hopefully the internet connection starts up successfully and well, and I am well pleased with the landlord, the housemates and the facilities! :) So tired of freezing everyday---I can't think, can't work---it's not productive.

And maybe, if I'm not so cold, I won't eat so much! I have oh lemme see, about a 6 months pregnant size of the tummy... I'm definitely tubby now! Snack food here is AMAZING, and I ADORE carbs... cakes, scones, muffins, rice.. bring them on!

Ok so I'm supposed to write essays instead of crapping here but I am still braindead, the library's goin to shut for christmas-new year vacation.. argh!

apart from them, I'm starting to feel happier I guess...I am starting to calm down from having to panic over universities and accommodations (cross fingers!) and I'm starting to be excited, finally, that I'm living in London!

Once my deadlines are over, I hope to regal everyone with exciting and happy tales about Londoning.. yes, maybe even working as a barmaid to pay off my accommodation?
wink.

Food oh most glorious, most divine.

Pilov.

I am going to learn how to cook it.

we had a christmas party last night, and one of my khazakhstanian coursemates---i was hugely embarrassed that i didn't recongise her ever, but then again, I came late on the course so I have an excuse!---cooked this whooping pot of steaming hot rice.

I wish I took pictures, because it was tres, tres bien, sehr gut, hen hao chi, whatever. yum. Contrast that with my edible stuff, I feel terribly embarrassed that I can't cook better. I can do light european salads and y'know, eggs with mushrooms etc and they taste goodish, but like the elaborate stuff? darn. wish I could.

My course mates so far, are very easy going and a really nice bunch. Lovely to meet them all. I hope i become better friends with them, once I get over my deadlines.

As for now, my lovelies, I'm feeling much chirpier, as I will be moving in for good next monday onwards! I started moving my things to my new place today, and I found a card by my new landlord welcoming me to the new place---he's on holiday---which i think bodes well, he seems very understanding that I'm very, very scared now of landlords!

Well on tuesday morning, i rang him up panicking... On Monday, the university called me to say they found me housing that was cheaper and more central and i had to decide within 24 hours, but it was available only mid Jan. I was panicking badly as I prefer university housing---at least I don't have to deal with landlords!---but kind of decided to speak to him first as I have already paid a month's deposit as well as half a month's rent. I didnt' tell him I had another offer---i just told him I was worried he was going to kick me out for writing essays in my room---note that the whole ruckus with this current one revolves around teh fact that I quietly work in my room!---and he laughed and said that once I move in, I'll calm down as he feels i'm just very scarred by my current experiences.

We'll see first. if all goes well, I'll stay till the end of my course! and maybe find a job. A sign that I have started to calm down from the recent spate of mad and crazy incidents...I am even thinking of extending my stay in the UK, as I feel I haven't seen much of it apart from, tube and train rides, and sourcing for affordable accommodation, and yes, trying to play catch up.
Who knows? waitressing, bar maiding... the possibilities are endless! as long as they pay the bills! :)

On the spirit of Scrooge and when I grow old...

The days are getting shorter and colder, and as the weather brings across thoughts of Christmas, my thoughts turn towards not just home, but Dickens. Yes, Dickens and A Christmas Carol.

It was almost as if a light went on in my head since yesterday, and I begin to understand my landlord, and to gain something from it---which is how I don't want to turn out when I hit my fifties or sixties!

She really is Scrooge. She isn't evil incarnate nor is she poor--she goes on holidays to really far destinations, eats only organic food!---but just unreasonable, and combine with that, not being able to plan ahead so that leads to her trying to penny pinch.

she goes on like a broken tape recorder, I thought you would be in school on Monday, tues, wed, and on weekends, to which i calmly reply I am in school half of the days and now it's my assignment/exam time so I'm staying in my room to clear my work. i almost don't lose my temper anymore when i hear this because I'm so sick of hearing this phrase. The real reason, I think, is her worry that if i'm in, i'll waste heating and light energy. But i've talked to other landlords and they explained that even if I stay indoors twenty four hours, 7 days a week, it'll come up to at most 5 pounds more per week, on top of say, if i were already paying 10 pounds per week for utilities (which exclude the internet etc).

she turns the heating on very, very low when she goes out and whenever i ask her to turn it on---look i am not stupid and am capable of fiddling with the control myself, but out of respect I tell and ask her as she gets nervous even when I use the washing machine unsupervised---and seriously, it's a marked difference when her friends pop by and the heating is just nice!---and grumbles on and on that I am wasting electricity. I have told her i am willing to run to the kitchen and toilet and switch off the little heaters so that the heating will only warm up my room but she says its too troublesome (i.e. she rather i freeze over at 7-8 degrees...which no matter how many fleeces i put on, is too cold to work properly!). Then because she sees me going to the toilet in slippers---I'm not wearing socks to the toilet to shower!--and because she seen me once wearing my polo t-shirt with cap sleeves to the toilet---she insists it's because I am not dressing warmly. Ridiculous: i have never complained to her about how cold it gets only until I have already worn two fleece jackets, ad I don't ever stroll around the house in mini-tops and shorts! Plus the curtains in my room are affected by the drafts through closed windows, which means my room's walls aren't sealed properly!---and she keeps saying it's because i'm not wearing enough clothes until I started saying look, I am wearing thermals under my clothes, and fleeces on top of my shirts! She then counters that I must zip more tightly. sigh.

I have seen her using the microwave to heat bread etc, and when I wanted to defrost my cooked food in my tupperware which I did two weeks ago, she says I'm being extravagant. Seriously, it takes 7 minutes to defrost as compared to 20 minutes over the gas, and from my google research, she'll save only 18 pounds per year if I consistently use gas over the microwave! She follows up with a lecture that she's trying to save energy and the environment---i was laughing to myself because research shows that for the same food you use for the microwave and gas cooker, you actually consume less energy for the microwave (i wasn't cooking in batches, just reheating food!). The real reason is she wants to save er... 1 pound per month from my usage which is never more than once a day? She always leaves lights on in all the rooms, which irritates me (an irritation i keep to myself), as I think that's a waste of energy and it merely shows her lip service to saving electricity!)

But something has become clear. The room I am renting is full of junk in the cupboards--I know because I'm supposed to find free space in the cupboards to put my things---and I have seen her other rooms when she was preparing for her guests to stay over---it's amazingly full of junk.. so full that it's impossible to walk into the other rooms!

She's a hoarder. The worse thing is, she's a fairly ok financially middle-class hoarder, who has only hosted EFL learners who cannot talk to her, so that's why she's so darn difficult to communicate to. She's bossy, and authoritarian, which is why she thinks she has the right to tell me how to run my life, and to keep asking me to go out---sorry that's not within the tenancy agreement!

And she's not what I want to become. Something clicked clear this weekend, and there's something very pathetic about becoming like this!

i don't ever want to be like this. I have seen at least four other older people near her age who are generous and yet not extravagant with their money. I never want to become like this, encumbered by my many things that I can't let things go.

One thing I learnt from the move from C to London, and now from accommodation to, in few weeks' time, yet another accommodation, is that I never felt so encumbered by my books and clothes before. Things have a way of tying you down; your spirit down; and your priorities become fettered to your property. I haven't argued or been more firm as many classmates/friends told me to, simply because I dare not risk my things---my computer, some presents given to me by people dear to me, my certs, passport etc. Of course, if anything goes wrong, I can complain to the authorities. But what's the point? by then it's over and no complaining will bring back my certificates, for instance, to me.

I resolve not to accumulate too much things now though. Or at least, it's ok to buy things, but to let them go and allow others to benefit from them too. One person I know always has the attitude that she is glad for someone to be using something she doesn't, or whenever I tell her I passed something I can't use to someone else, her response is that of enthusiasm, because the thing isn't wasted/hoarded but used by someone else.

that's the kind of attitude I want when I grow old.

When I grow old, i may or may not wear purple, but I want to be a generous person. Oh bills have to be paid, feet have to be planted on the ground, care with money still has to be shown, but this sort of pettiness? Spare me.

On another note, for some of you---who have been very patient in not asking about C--- I'll explain more when I have got time.

For now, what I will say is this: it's like growing up time, in the sense of learning to have the courage to do what is right for me, even if pragmatically, the place---oh believe me, I do know graduating with a degree from C does carry prestige----has a lot of glitter to it. Faced with such a decision many years ago, I went with pragmatism, made the best of it, but always wondered what would happen had i the courage to walk away from it.

I guess I feel as if this time was a kind of repetition in a way, and I'm glad, for now at least, despite the many accommodation woes, the fear i won't do well or pull through my deadlines, that I had taken the leap.

So while these few months haven't exactly been very happy or productive academically---i am applying for funding etc so all my deadlines are messed up now---I have learnt and grown a lot, more perhaps, than if I had gone straight into student accommodation in UCL.

I haven't moved; clarification

Hey guys and girls!

no, i haven't moved! thanks for the notes of concern... i am moving only after the 16th dec. teh reason is well, the tenancy for the other place only starts on 16th onwards, and i also, erm, she says sheepishly, am not very trusting at the moment. I haven't search as hard as I would have preferred but I got too many deadlines from now through the whole of december, so this new one seems ok... but I am scared of further shocks and prefer to move in 16th onwards as school at least ends by then...that will give me more time to deal...

Maybe i 'm being paranoid, after all, UCL has been great after the first false start, but i'm doing better the devil known' at this point in time. She's mad, but she doesn't seem violent so fine.

I hope you are all well, please regal me with news about yourselves! Once er, things calm down, i hope to be showing off lovely pictures of UK and exciting things I am up to! :)

I THINK i found another place

I have just signed another agreement with another landlord. Cross fingers, i should be able to stay there until my MSc ends. I don't really want to be moving from house to house across London, grin, even though i feel like i am becoming an expert on London by now.
In fact, I can be a tour guide to Cambridge now (well, sort of, some parts anyway!), as well as some bits of North London, because of these frequent moves.

Let me tell you more about my new landlord. Er, he seems like a gentle person, he lives with his partner o the ground floor, and there are two staircases to the house. therefore, once you enter the same door, one staircase is for the tenants, the other for him.

I apparently share the top floor with this other guy, and downstairs two girls with whom i'll share the kitchen.

that's fine. the house, as i spoke to the tenants and landlord isn't a party house. Everyone cleans up after himself/herself---look i stayed with 3 boys in Germany in an appartment! believe, me, i don't want to be cleaning up plates all the time!---and the last thing i want to do is live with party animals who party at home. I'm fine with partying OUTSIDE but not in the house, as it should be a sanctuary of quiet.

I'm not jumping over the moon yet, the past few months have been, shall we say, weird. So thank goodness it's a one month notice contract, but which at least gives me some peace for the time being as i have gazillion of assignments at the moment. the best situation is really finding a group of student-friends to share a flat with, but i don't have the luxury of time now, so never mind.

If i am happy at my new location, you are welcome to bunk over :).

So for now, rushing my million deadlines. I have to put up with my current landlady who has just said that she has a friend coming over and the latest nonsense is that i have to stay out of the kitchen from 6ish onwards, which i think is just nuts, i can't even go down to get stuff out of the fridge. she goes on like a broken tape recorder every morning when she discovers I'm going to be indoors, look i go to sch 4 days and some days, i just need to clear my work in my room! and she whines on and one, it's ridiculous. nothing in our verbal or written agreement states that i can't stay in my room to clear my work and she knows i have tons of work to catch up on.

Never mind, things will become better i am sure :) Eventually. It's partly because i came so late, all the decent landlords would have been snapped up already, so i'm left with the leftovers!

Next year, I hope this blog will be filled with happy and interesting posts on different parts of UK and i hope to be regaling everyone with tales of leisure activities :)

take care, all!

These few months have just been... weird. Accommodation woes

A quick update.

Yes, i'm settling well into UCL. i love the classes, am terribly sad i missed half a semester, since UCL ends teaching effectively in March (it's a scam for my money! no i don't mean the tutors are bad or lazy, i mean the structure of teaching and examination in ucl is designed to cut down on teaching!) i'm terribly late on ALL my assignments, and some are due in 2-3 weeks time which scares me badly, but well, i just have to get through things one thing at a time. I have even more pressing woes at the moment.

A new problem, though not entirely unanticipated, cropped up.

In my desperation and haste to move out of C, remember, i had to kick myself out of C quickly, i spent relatively quickly looking for accommodation. I found a landlady who seemed a little eccentric and rather blur i thought from first impressions, but nothing terribly alarming so i grabbed that and happily moved in last Monday.

Tuesday was when all the nonsense started. I was trying to defrost my frozen vegetables and left it in the microwave oven---which i used for 5 minutes---and went upstairs to do my things. She came back, and started saying, do you know how extravagant it is to cook vegetables in the microwave... why can't you use the gas? in exasperation...

i looked at her in confusion and said i used it only for 5 minutes to defrost the vegs. she calmed down a bit, but i was like. woah! that was an over-reaction, but decided maybe she had a bad day.

she also asked me various things about myself,and so i just ended up telling her that yes, my mum used to make me clean he floor everyday but we decided after a while it wasn't tenable so we got a househelp. she has a househelp too.

i have been telling her my room is freezing and she isnists that curtains will do the trick and she'll put them up during the weekend.

the next day, she told me something rather personal about herself, and the weekend was when the high drama started
on saturday, she went into my room a couple of times to measure the curtains and also was a little bit of the diva when i used the washing machine. we were in the house, but i was mostly in my room doing work, except when i came downstairs to the kitchen to fix myself food. it was during one of thse times we had to share the kitchen that she again asked me various questions, like whether i liked cats, why i didn't have a cat, so i just told her that my mum objected to cats being in the house as she felt they would dirty the house...she also said, i'm not as bad as your mum, right? i don't expect you to clean he house? i was like, wait a minute (this is ridiculous!). i said, courteously, in a neutral but firm tone, no, but you aren't my mother. that is dfferent. she said oh but we are housesharing and most times pp share the cleaning (i.e. bills etc ). i kept quiet, but alarm bells went off, as really, housesharing means we share everything in the house excpt the rooms. not quite what we hvae here---i am restricted to my room, some hours in the kitchen.

meanwhile, the contract which i asked for close to 2weeks ago, finally materialized with a lot more conditions that weren't stated beforehand.

Sunday, she spent HOURS puting up the rods and the curtains after she went out for a few hours in mid-morning and early afternoon. i too went out i offered to help which she refused. i thought that was strange. and besides, i really wasn't comfy with the idea she was in my room for so long without me being around. i started to get a sense she sort of looks too much at my stuff and i don't like it so i decided to do my work in my room as she did the curtains--which aren't complete up to now. she kept sayingi should go out.

Monday was kaboom time! i was in the upstairs toilet at 6.45 when i heard a knock. i came out to discover a client of hers... she does psychotherapy on mon-wed 5-8 at her house. at 8pm, she went ballistic. she said, you CHOOSE to use the toilet at the time when the woman needs it, for the first time, she was not able to go to the toilet! and so on. i stared at her in bewilderment and said, in the verbal and writtena greement you said not to make loud noises near your consultation area during those hours but nothng about the toilet!

then she ranted and raved, it went on to kitchen use. i was cooking and freezing about 3 -4 tupperwares. she went, and when do you expect to cook ? i thought you'll be eating in the university! i said, no way! it's too expensive! most postgraduates bring food to school! she went, ao you plan to cook the whole of sun and mon? i said, no i usually cook for an hour (that includes chopping up, frying ) and washing up for 1/2 hr, and i usually freeze enough for 3-4 meals! that means i cook at most twice a week. she said, no! what if i am around? i said, but i yesterday i used the kitchen when you weren't around! she yelled! how do you know how long i will be away for? i could have stepped out for a while! then i was like, but i asked you before i moved in whether there were kitchen or toilet restrictions and you said, none at all!

now her fridge has 4 shelves. i used the middle one and i asked before if i could use that smallest middle shelf to put my stuff and i checked her freezer it was okayish so i thought i'll use up a quarter. most landlords i speak to always will say, ok this will yr shelf as the tenant.

she went ballistic and said, no, i can't give you so much space, most of teh stuff aren't mine --i was like (what? hello1 i used only 1 shelf! the rest of the stuff was entirely heres! i wouldn've have ben so bold as to use half the fridge even especially when our relationship is not of equals sharing a flat but of tenant and landlord!)

then she said, and you are rude ! english people are polite and tactful! you aren't! i was like huh? you said your mum thinks cats are dirty! i went, but but you asked me why i can't keep cats at home! i didn;t say yr cat was dirty, nor did i say your home was dirty! how is that rude at all? she said, well, you should have censored the truth. what if your mum visits you? what do i do with the cat? i was like, erm, but if anyone visits me, they'll have to live with the cat? none of us are going to ill treat the cat at all!

so suddenly, i found myself with toilet and kitchen restrictments, screamed at, and the screaming went on.

and this was totally weird, when her stupid milk carton broke in the morning, which i discovered and i moped up the mess too! she knew as she left the damn thing before leaving for work. i cleared it!

she then went on.. you don't respectmy privacy! you are in the room and house too much! you told me you are in school on mon-wed! i said, no tues-thurs! but yes, you are in the huse on fri, sat, sun! that's too much! i'm used t living alone! i said, but most landlords if they wanted to restrict the number of hours tenants are to be in the house will make it clear they prefer someone who works 9-5 and who is never in! i warne dyou i have alot of deadlines and will have to spend a lot of time catching up with work in my room! she jus said! well, just go out and socialise! if you aren't, go back to singapore! why come to the uk if you are to stay in yr room, you skype don't you?---she heard me when i was talking to a friend regarding a essay coz she was in my room for hours!---and i was like, but i have to clear my work first! after that then will i start socialising! everyone i meet classmates, tutors, everyone is saying focus on yr work first1 you ahve too much to catch up on! even when pp want to invite me for drinks they'll go , erm, catch up first! i as weakly trying to explain to her and she went screaming on and on. i don't even know how you study! ( i was like, hello! it's my business!)

i said, do you want me to move out? i sense you aren't comfortable with me... she went, i'm the pyschotherapist! no one tell sme how i feel! and even if you run from this house, if you are going to coop yourself up, you'll never get out and socialise! you are too shy and afraid of the outside world!

nuts.

really nuts.

she went off to the supermarket after yelling at me, and then she came back. suddenly, she was polite and subdued. slightly sarcastic.

tuesday evening after her client went off i told her quietly that i wanted to terminate, however, i hope our undesrstanding coincide, that we both end on the 16 th dec, as i ust realise with her things can be ambiguous..

i am trying to look for another place now, but my budget is limited, and i an't find dog's kennel---too depressing---or filthy housemates or whatever. not good, when i have a gadzillion deadlines.

so anyway, yes, i'm alright, but you'd undersatnd the long silence now i guess.

when i find another accommodation, i'll let everyone know then. she says wearily.

Announcement

I have transferred from C. to another university.

Yes, i know it comes as a shock, but well, the course syllabus at the other university suits me better and I figured it was better to discover it .now, lose half a term at the other university than to wait till the bitter end.

I'm alright but I would appreciate it if I am not asked or if the topic is raised at the moment, as my email boxes have been flooded, and I am trying frantically shift, get new accommodation, sign on for my modules when i am half a term late and so on at the moment. Am also very exhausted.

When I am more settled in my new university, course, etc I'll post again. For now, just up to my neck with the hassle of relocation and my email boxes are frightfully full!

Hope everyone is well!

why are some pictures sideways? I have no idea. There are no options to reposition the pictures, so whatever. you all have to live with the some times sideways pictures. meanwhile, enjoy!

it's bitterly cold...

I woke up this morning and could hardly bear to put my butt down on my bike. It was so horribly cold I had to put on my gloves just to hold the bike handles., and wondered if I was just bad at handling the weather.

Then, after church, talking to someone who exclaimed, it was terribly cold today! the weather went down to -4 last night and 4 this morning...

And being from a not so rich college---sigh, I am starting to understand why students take such an obsessive interest in the wealth, or lack thereof, of their colleges, because it affects your accommodation and college fees... maybe that explains why my heating is never quite warm and I find the undergraduate block much warmer than my own, and why I have to wear layers in my roon despite the heating.

ah well, she says philosophically. Autumn will turn into winter which once endured, will turn into spring, the warmth will come again, and then perhaps I'll miss the cold.

Some more pictures, one taken on, blushes, erm, what has been endowed with the name of org**m hill. Go figure. I still haven't figured out its proper name, because thats what all the students call it--it's not me! Reason is that erm, it gets steep really quickly and you go down very quickly on a point so cycling up is extremely slow going as you don't have the time to build up the momentum. Well, the British are risque, did you ever doubt that? Some of the colleges have been rechristianed some even more risque names.


So besides the daily exercise i get from cycling up and down, there's a smoother but longer way, so I rather traverse that tiny excuse of a hill..

Lovely, lovely paths

This made me happy today , enough said. I have also discovered the art of wearing a skirt and riding a bike! All my lovely comfy long skirts cannot be worn, simply because they would get caught in my bike---which is a bit too high for me, me thinks---so a lovely green skirt given by one of the nicest optometrists around, wink---is the only candidate which presents itself...

The trick is to wear black stockings, high boots and voila! i'm off on my bike! Speaking of which, I don't feel safe on this newly acquired green bike. He/She does not make me feel secure the way Elda did. Something about the bike control...

The luckiest girl in the world

This is what I see when i cycle home. It may not mean much to you, but it does to me, as trees soothe me so magnificently whenever I am feeling frazzled or under the weather.
As for why the photos appear sideways? I have no idea. I am a luddite, sometimes, so I can't help you here.

Leaves

If I could and had to choose, to be something other than a human being...
I would want to be an autumnal leaf, to go off in a blaze, to never go 'gently into the night' of winter (Dylan Thomas)...

I was talking to this person I met at church and giving squeals of delight as I saw the leaves drifting down. She looked, laughed and said, if you want to you have to quickly take photographs before they all fall over the next few days.

Thus, i rushed home, grabbed my camera and started frantically taking these pictures---the work has to wait, the weather can't!

Autumn

Autumn has a beauty that is entirely her own. The glorious reds, yellows and greens, all in a blaze of glory...

It was such joy to take a quick run outside. I have been working in my room all afternoon, and was growing increasingly weary of my readings---oh the points were good enough, but I was so weary of the pedantic way it was written...i am still, alas, a literature student, and I cannot read something that isn't lyrically expressed. I wish I could, but how something is expressed mattters so very much to me, for better or worse...

Then running pellmell, as fast as I could, as I was wearing nothing more than thin shorts and my usual runner's attire...i am still washing my own clothes at the moment and not bringing them to the ..oh so far washing machines (i am shockingly and strangely lazy!) into the thick layers of leaves...

Cambridge is very beautiful. There is something about the pretty English countryside, the leave-covered trees, that makes me wish I would be here next September to see summer slide into autumn...

Apart from other small scraps I have found myself in, I am content and happy, if for the short lived euphoria of seeing such beauty!

My voice!

I want my voice back, and am upset.

I woke up one day with my voice gone, but absolutely no other symptoms... Yes i had sinus 2-3 weeks ago, and i have not been resting, but I never had this so bad before---it always came with horrible aching pain in my throat--which was strangely comforting as i knew when the ache went away, i would recover, and certainly not like this, where I function perfectly ok otherwise, except for my voice. I think clearly---except for a slight exhaustion-driven headache---and have no stuffed nose or otherwise.

I don't even have a cough anymore. I had severe cough a while back, but really, not like this, voice gone completely harsh, flat, breathy and raspy. I can't even form words properly.

I don't mind if this is for a few days', but i never had such an inexplicable loss of voice, and I hate the sounds that come out now. I want to be able to sing and laugh once again and not talk like this, I feel like a robot.

Having a low sexy voice...

Imagine a low sexy voice... As I laughingly said to a course and college mate, yes, I sound utterly seductive now... I have lost my voice. It's gone husky and low.

My body is protesting but I really can't stop now...now when I do have to do so many things, like searching for er, of all things, stationery, online...I have to economise!

But never mind about that. I attended two lectures for the first time today and enjoyed them thoroughly. The two 'heavy weights' were surprisingly clear, and I feel, and wish, I did do undergraduate studies in A. here, for I would be so horrifyingly erudite...the lectures do actually give a roadmap into the past and present theorists within the field, even if they don't give enough information for you to use properly in your essays.

On the social front, I have started to make friends with coursemates and college mates, which is always a good thing. There was tremendous laughter at dinner---when I could produce any sound anyway!

Orientation

Punting is gloriously fun.

This afternoon the MCR organised this punt expedition to Granchester, the prettiest ever village that's about 1/2 hr walk away from Cambridge, which took us about 2 hours to punt there as we kept investigating the banks, the trees... oh fine! we just kept zigzagging instead of going straight.

We then had scones and tea on deckchairs...how very English...afterwhich i elected to run back to see if I can order a printer a printer online which was sadly out of stock. I have just been charged 11 pounds by the college for a print job which should have been no more than 3-4 pounds and frankly 3 dollars at most at home and I suspect it's because the college printer kept jamming and though nothing came out, these messed up print jobs were considered as completed print jobs.

still it's alarming as I can easily buy 2-3 books for the costs of the small stack of printed reading lists! and I am thinking of buying my own printer now though I am not sure that's going to be much better.

Apart from that, I am going to start looking for a non-audition choral group as I want to keep up with music, considering language lessons, as well as a host of other things. I don't want to be horribly friendless in cambridge during the long vacations, since Cambridge runs on intensive termdates!

I am hoping to get on with actually living here in Cambridge, rather than spending any more time trying to orientate myself, as I want to actually start living, if that makes any sense!

So far the MCR (read Middle Common Room: postgraduates)---short explanation here----Colleges communities are divided into JCR, MCR and SCR (fellows/lecturers)---have been very good with organising fun activities---at least the few i attended!

Coming down to earth again...

It was my first day back into reality----i ran into a classmate last night at dinner at the cafeteria...and realised that I was somehow not in the administrator's mailing list, and hence did not realise that there was a reading list with the attendant books to be chased down!

Thank goodness we did agree to go to the library together in the morning, as I quickly realised that the Cambridge libraries are labyrinths in themselves. Umberto Eco's Name of the Rose must have been inspired by either Cambridge's or perhaps Oxford's library.

Yes, virtually every book you would want would be there, BUT, aha! whether it is available is another issue! First we ran to the university library where we couldn't find the books we wanted, then we ran to the Social Political Sciences library which wasnt opened I think, and at the different libraries, books have already been borrowed and so on.

And photocopying is insanely expensive...it's all of 6 pence per page...and I spent 8 pounds on basically a stack I have have photocopied for no more than 2 dollars at home, even at 5 cents per page! I can cut down on food expenditure, but not photocopying! I nearly died when I discovered things I really need were going at 6-8 pounds when i usually pay no more than 2-3 dollars at home! I only wish i had the foresight to ship my whole house over.

And I am beginning to see why students brought up along the American system would hate UK, as I realise how very spoilt we are by our American lecturers, who would have photocopied all our readings for us in a folder, or even send them down to the photocopying shop before the module begins, so we don't have to run around chasing readings!

It feels like my dept seems somewhat disorganised and needlessly time-wasting , from what I can see, as there's usually only 1 copy of a book in the A. library and we 20ish fools fight with the undergraduates for the same book and run around to the different libraries within the university complex chasing after one or two articles...I am beginning to see why American students are complaining! Nonetheless, I shan't complain, at least for the moment as I pretty like the feel of the tutors; they seem genuinely nice, I don't mean expressively friendly and open but nice enough so oh well! that's life... I wish I had my undergraduate library back with me, simply as no one does this subject and I usually get the books I want, if they exist in the library, when I want it!

Speaking of food...I have this absurd liking for hot food nowadays and I dislike cold salads now, simply because it is so cold! Mum would be amused to know I drink only hot water these days, hey---at least I regulate according to the temperature! And I love oyster sauce... great things for stirfrying...I am a big rice-eater now...so what's up with the asian palate now... well, nothing much, just that I am trying to space out eating at the cafeteria, which only runs 3 times a day, one hour each time during the 8-week term time, but I don't want to be at the stage when I start hating Cambridge because i have had too much 'Western' food.

So how's Cambridge so far? well, I have been busy running around and worrying everyday about the ahem, extra projects I have to complete by December. I hope I manage my time such that I get to join at least some activities tomorrow, as I don't particularly want to be friendless...as my favourite old man said before, It does not do to dwell on dreams [and if I may add to his words, or ambitions, or work!] and forget to live!" chuckle...

I guess I have been busy running around just clearing things, and when I get back to my room, I am horribly exhausted, so exhausted I just want to clear the necessary stuff and crawl into my bed, since I am carrying a few months' sleep debt---i actually fell asleep at the library whilst doing my first reading!----but oh well!

We'll see! So far, many people I have met are rather human and friendly, except for a few pretentious skulls who exist everywhere anyway, so it's a good start!

Settling down

Welcome to the journal. I thought it was much easier to post everything here for you to read at your leisure and thereby keep in touch. You are welcome to post in this journal. Just click 'comment' and leave yr initials, and i should be able to figure out who you are. Try not to leave your full name..I dislike too much web presence, so everything else will be with initials anyway.

I have been busy of late, no, not hobnobbing with people, even, but really, getting my living arrangements out of the way. It's extraordinary to think of the sheer number of things that i find difficult to get here!

I will start with the.. as usual, trust HER to do these things...Over the past few days, i managed to, let's see, buy a second hand bicycle--well she won't replace Elda, since Elda is my first bike, and like all first loves, more memorable than the rest for that reason, so Elda will just have to be contented with being remembered but not being used!----even before I set up my bank account, and lost...my bike lock within 1 day. I got one of those horribly expensive u-locks, as Cambridge has the highest bike theft rates in the whole of UK, and it must have fallen out of it's bracket as i cycled home in the dark last night.

you can imagine how distressed i was, not just the cost of the U chain--which makes me wince when I think about it---but the possibility that I might lose my bike. Well, I asked my college porter where to hide the bike until the next morning, and just hoped/prayed it will be fine, and was extremely relieved to see this morning that it hasn't been nicked.

Horribly distressed, i decided to cook enough for 4 more meals to freeze instead of doing my academic work, so i am once more, behind schedule. Well, cooking is very therapeutic!

Ah well, I never had luck with my first lock, methinks. T'was the same with Elda's first lock.. i er, locked myself out, and had to cut the lock to get her free. maybe after this, this new bike and I will get along well, though--with a reassuring look in Elda's direction---never to quite replace Elda.

So far, I have been busy with random things like running around like a headless chicken looking for random things like my contact lens solution which cannot be found here---maybe it's just cambridge!---and opening bank accounts, getting clothes hangers to do my laundry, and stuff. I am very grateful that this other friend who lives in London frogmarched me to get some items, because if she didn't start me earlier, I probably would have had to lug more things. So thank you, you know who you are.

Apart from that, I have been happy and well, just rather fatigued as time is racing on and I am even more behind schedule than ever and it's making me panic, since the course has started proper. Trying to clear the necessary things out of the way so I can actually start living in cambridge , and focus on things like socialising---i should actually, since I have been doing alot of things myself as I get irritated when there are so many random things like no soap or washing liquid around the house---yes, i know i should have come earlier to do these things like many other students but never mind now!---and actually starting on work. I think I got a supervisor I want :)... at least on paper, she seems the closest match to my research interests than the rest who seem to do exotic societies like Mongolia and Tibet---Cambridge is THE leading centre for the study of Mongolia and other exotic places..I chattered to her at top-speed yesterday when I was introduced to her as I was so excited and relieved to be matched to her... partly as I was afraid to be palmed off to a supervisor who was not interested... She seemed genuinely interested in knowing more about me, and rather pleased I am at Girton, since she's at Girton as well, so it seems like a good start.

So far, from the past 2 days short interaction with the faculty, they seem genuinely nice, down to earth, and very accessible... a litle bit shocking as so many of them are real heavy weights in anthropology of socialism, russia, mongolia, inner asia studies, but they all seem very reassuring and keen to help us on our academic journeys.

I am hoping now to carve out my time wisely and to balance between my impulse to hurry and get the living things out of the way, and some academic work done for my future research plans, and even the cambridge requirements, and yes, making time to socialise.

hope everyone is well:)